There are few things more important than realising, deep down, that it doesn’t really matter what you think and feel. What matters is that you understand your fellow man.
I once arrived as the new CEO of a company. I had a dialogue with the outgoing CEO, and at that meeting I was given a lot of information and tasks to take care of.
One of the cases I was given was a thick stack of papers with correspondence between different lawyers. “This is a case about an extremely difficult person. Our lawyers are getting nowhere and we have to go to court to get rid of him’.”
I took the file and read all the documents. Then I called the person (let’s call him Peter) and said, ‘Hello, Peter. I’m the new CEO of the company and I understand that you and the company have a difficult relationship. Is there any chance I could come and see you so I can hear your story and understand more about where your frustration and disappointment is coming from?
A few weeks later I went to Peter’s house. We sat at his kitchen table. I said to him ‘now tell me so that I can really understand you and your picture of the situation’ Then I sat quietly and listened to Peter describe his version of the situation. After listening with full attention, I said to Peter: ‘I think I understand what you are saying. Is it true that you are most disappointed here and here? Peter said, ‘Yes, that’s what I’ve been saying all along…’.
Our conversation ended with me promising to think about what I had heard and to get back to Peter with a proposal on how we could try to untie this knot.
A few days later, I went back to Peter with a proposal for a solution, focusing on what he was most upset about. Peter listened to my proposal and I could see that something positive was happening. The very fact that I had gone to his home without lawyers or formalities, and had instead come to an understanding, had already laid the foundation for a human relationship. When I came back and showed that I had understood his view, something beautiful happened. Peter relaxed and already at our the second meeting we had found a way forward that we could both live with.
The best part is that after this agreement, Peter decided to stay with the company. Peter became a dedicated and popular employee until he retired.
For me, this is one of the great things about being a leader. The opportunity to make a difference in the daily lives of those around you.
A beautiful story about the value of understanding others
